


but I think I've found the light

by awwcoffeenooooo



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Comfort, Cuddling, F/M, Fitz has comfort, Fluff, Jemma has guilt, a counter to the engagement fluff because I survive on sarcasm caffeine and angst, hopefully hit a note of melancholy, slight angst, technically canon compliant to 5x06
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 14:11:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13296546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awwcoffeenooooo/pseuds/awwcoffeenooooo
Summary: Fitz's own fingers curl up to grab her hand, entwining them together lazily. It's so gentle she wants to cry. How long has she gone without this? Surely not as long as he's waited. He's traveled through time and space for her, through decades and worlds. And still all they get are these small moments, this one tainted by the sadness she carries in her chest.His lips press just behind her ear, lingering. "You don't need to apologize," he says, voice soft but his words firm. "You did what you had to do,""But did I?" she asks, eyelids falling shut to focus on the way his heart beats through the fabric of his shirt to the skin of her shoulder blade. "Was it right to kill him when I wanted him dead for no better reason than what he did to me?"





	but I think I've found the light

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to start this off by saying it's not very canon compliant. Going off of what has aired so far, it's canon to the end of 5x06. But past that, there are some small elements that won't blend. I still sort of like this, though, so there's that.
> 
>  
> 
> I've been on a Black Veil Brides binge, all stemming from the fact I got to meet them today, so title and quotes are from their song When They Call My Name. I'll never be over that. Nope.
> 
> I'll save any more notes for the end, but in the meantime, I hope you enjoy :)

_I won't come back to fall off track_

_The way that I survived_

_It's a violent world_

_But today I'm still alive_

* * *

 

"I'm sorry,"

He's holding her. He always is. They don't have much time -- not even before seventy odd years and an artificial lifetime passed -- but they have this. And he holds her like she held on to that tank of air all those years ago. Like she's his lifeline.

"For what?" his voice is warm, breath like liquid against her ear. She relaxes into it; all of the times she never thought she'd ever be able to hear another human rush back to her, but she pushes it away. This is what matters. The silence of the after, broken only by his intakes and soft words.

Her chest skips momentarily, because if he can't see what she needs to apologize for then is there ever really a point to apologize for? Yet her heart cries _yes_ , and so she allows her gaze to drop to the single loop of metal around her finger. It's a promise, he'd told her. No more waiting, no more half truths. The silver glints in the faint light of the bunk, the contrast stark against the color of their combined skin.

"For killing him," she returns, fingers still stroking over the callouses on his palms. It always calmed her down before, when the lab was stressful or her anxiety spiked. The tiny ridges that make up his thumb prints drag against hers, a thing so delicate she can only feel it if she concentrates. It's difficult with her mind so turbulent. 

Fitz's own fingers curl up to grab her hand, entwining them together lazily. It's so gentle she wants to cry. How long has she gone without this? Surely not as long as he's waited. He's traveled through time and space for her, through decades and worlds. And still all they get are these small moments, this one tainted by the sadness she carries in her chest.

His lips press just behind her ear, lingering. "You don't need to apologize," he says, voice soft but his words firm. "You did what you had to do,"

"But did I?" she asks, eyelids falling shut to focus on the way his heart beats through the fabric of his shirt to the skin of her shoulder blade. "Was it right to kill him when I wanted him dead for no better reason than what he did to me?"

He's silent. She takes it as indecision, tightening her grip on him. Jemma can't blame him, not at all. His breath never fails to stir at the hair at the nape of her neck. She'd cut it, earlier. When Daisy was in the bathroom, helping her to wash away the last signs of Kassius from her body.  _The hair has to go too_ , she'd whispered. The last signs that he had ever ran his hands over it, something reserved for only the man currently next to her.

"Shouldn't you hate me?" she asks, voice wet. "I killed him because I was selfish. I know how to incapacitate a man, how to disarm someone. Why didn't I do that? Why didn't I --"

Fitz's hand wrapping tightly around her upper arm silences her, and her throat goes dry at the fact she's suddenly very aware of the tremor there. _How many times did it shake and you weren't there to stop it?_

"I'll never hate you," his voice is almost too quiet in the silence around them, in the white noise broken only by what is the ship's engines in the background. "I love you, Jemma. All of you."

His hand loosens, still shaky, and moves up her arm and back down, ever so gentle. There's the quiver there, delicate and yet another painful scar of the universe that's tried so hard to keep them apart.

"I love your kindness, and your heart. Your bravery, and your mind," his nose nudges through the loose waves her hair has fallen into, comforting. "And I love your darkness, because it's part of you, no matter what that means,"

Jemma lets out a breath, her head leaning back as her eyes fall shut. Warmth falls into gaps that had felt cold, and she can feel him putting her back together. Again and again, they've done this. She can heal on her own, but it's Fitz who is the catalyst to this.

"I'm sorry for ruining this," she lets out a small teary laugh, and feels Fitz snort behind her. "We finally catch a moment for us, and we should probably be having copious amounts of reunion sex or something equally as stereotypical, but instead I'm just a mess,"

"Hey," he responds. "I got my fiancée in bed. Doesn't matter what we do or do not do in the bed, so long as we're together,"

She laughs, and he groans lightly in discontentment when she rolls from his warmth to face him, but nonetheless opens his eyes to meet hers. She's missed this. Him. His eyes like oceans and galaxies and every other thing that had ever tried to keep them apart, staring right back at her with that triumph and love she hoped to see for the rest of her life.

"I love you," she mutters, ducking her head underneath his chin. "You and your cheesy lines,"

He chuckles, voice deep, and presses a kiss to her hair. "And I love you and everything about you,"

Her lips dip to his collarbone, tongue darting out quickly before kissing it lightly. He'll forever taste of sweat and mint, evidently even through time itself. She smiles, enjoying the colors that dance on the inside of her eyelids. It's something like the future, her mother had always said. If you only cared to make life out of the moving shapes, it was only pictures of what's to come.

She doesn't need to focus, this time. There was so much yet to come, and it wasn't going to come quietly. There's still the questions of what she's done running through her head. But she has Fitz here, now, and there's nothing that could rip them apart again. She would hold together the fabric of space if it came to it.

But this much, she knows: she doesn't need to focus on her future, because it's lying right next to her. 

* * *

 

_I need you to tell me everything will be alright_

_To chase away the voices in the night . . ._

* * *

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously, Jemma cutting her hair is not going to happen, same as the fact I'm quite sure that Jemma didn't actually kill Kassius. However, I don't think she knows at this point that he is still alive, so hence this was born.
> 
> I wrote this all in one sitting, so I hope it was alright. I have only seen the premiere this season and ep six, so I hope it's still in character. I've been finding new paths away from AOS for my own sake, and so some other influences (namely Kastle dynamics, in the I don't love you in spite of your darkness/I love it because it's part of you comparison) worked their way in. I'm not really planning on continuing for these two unless canon completely changes my mind, but I couldn't stop thinking about this one idea.
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed this little tidbit, and feel free to drop a review if it so pleases you.


End file.
